I think I can, I think I can...

So, this week has been ok.  I'm really liking this 28 day meal plan that I found on....wait for it...PINTEREST!  Shocker!  I'll post the link below.  I did go and have barbecue on Wednesday, which wasn't good for my waistline or my checkbook.  But, thus far the meals have been tasty and even my loves, a picky 8 year old and a picky (almost) 28 year old, like them.  None of us liked the couscous from day 2 too much, but we ate it!

I realize that almost all day long, my brain circles around food.  I tell myself I'll make good choices, I plan what to make (like any mother does), I justify that handful of cereal, and on and on and on.  I think I can do this.  I'm trying to not beat myself up too much for the barbecue; I'll never be perfect at this, but I think I'm chugging along like the little engine who could.

Or am I the boy who cried wolf?

Meal plan link:
http://www.eatingwell.com/nutrition_health/weight_loss_diet_plans/diet_meal_plans/weight_loss_diet_meal_plan?pC=1200&pT=diet&pD=1

Hi, my name is Anne, and I'm a food addict

Yup.  I am.  It is really tough to admit.  It is really hard for me to be vulnerable.   Admitting this is admitting two things:  1 -  that I am not perfect, and 2 - that I feel like a failure.  Yeah, so SHOCKER to not being perfect.  But a perfectionist admitting they are not perfect is like a dagger to the heart.  It can be slightly counterproductive without accepting the fact.

I have a problem with eating too much in a sitting.  Not all the time, and not every day.  I believe they call that a binge.  I used to do the purge part, but it has been about 5 years since that.  I didn't do it everyday, I didn't even do it weekly; but doing it just once is one times too many.  I haven't quite gotten to the root of why I have such an issue with food.  Maybe I hit the nail on the head there in this post.  I'm a food addict.

Obviously I have a reason for writing this today.  I feel like I way overate after Victor left for work.  It started as lunch, and it turned into me finishing off 1/3 of a bag of tortilla chips with queso, and then leftover rice krispy treats from the holidays.  I'd rather not say how much I had of those.  Maybe recognition is one of the steps to getting past this.  When I do these things, I really don't feel quite like myself.  Somehow I either step out of my own head to justify it, or I just shut down my consciousness.

I follow a few blogs.  Some of them are craft blogs, some are weight loss, some are parenting blogs.  After I got fed up with myself just now and stepped away from the marshmallow crispiness, I came to the computer.  One of the blogs I follow is a (slightly annoying) 16 year old girl who is trying to lose weight, too.  Although some of her blog is fluff and annoying, she posts pictures and tips that I really like.  Some of them I end up sharing on Pinterest.  The one she posted today after this dreaded binge of mine was something I needed to read.  Here it is:


So, I believe that I will go drink a bunch of water and clean up more on my casa.

Everyone has to start somewhere, right?

Today after subbing, I went up to the gym here in my neighborhood and started a treadmill workout.  According to my plan, today was supposed to be 45-60 minutes of cardio, and 20-40 minutes of butt work.  The following was my treadmill workout.

I only made it to minute 31.  Hey, everyone starts somewhere!!  My lower back was killing me by the time I got to that point.

I never did the butt work.  The night is still (kind of) young.  This is what I have planned for that:


I had originally set my alarm for 4:30 this morning to work out, but that did NOT happen.  But, I packed my workout bag and went straight to the gym after work.

I've been doing good with my food choices.  I even turned down brownies, popcorn, and a chili dog at my in-laws house.  And let me tell you, that popcorn was tasty.  I had some (okay, too much) yesterday.  But, I did stay within my calorie range yesterday.  So far today I've had a homemade egg biscuit, a taco salad, a pomegranate, and a handful of (tasty) almonds.  I felt good (until I glanced in the mirror, LOL).  Why does one always feel like the pounds should melt off by the minute when you workout??

New Year, Old Resolution

Well, we're at the ending of another year.  Some parts sweet, some parts bitter.  But, this holiday season has been wonderful.  So many great memories were made.  I'm writing this post sitting next to my Christmas tree.  I believe this will be the last day for it to be up.  I'll miss this smell until next year.

Obviously I haven't written in a few weeks.  That was rather intentional.  I thought I'd get through the holidays and start the new year out with a new resolve.  It has been interesting this month.  While I definitely have not been watching what I eat or working out, I have been gearing myself up for really doing this.  Now, I'm always gearing myself up for "starting on Monday..." but this time it felt different.  Instead of it being a frenzied inner argument, I have been peacefully thinking, planning my foods, cooking down what I have in my kitchen, and getting a workout regimen researched.

So, I have made a promise to myself:        

I truly feel I can do this.

Some resolutions I have:
1.  Make working out and eating well a habit.
2.  Find a steady job that is NOT substitute teaching.
3.  Vacuum my house more often; have you seen how much animal hair accumulates in one day!?!?!
4.  Pay down some more nasty debt.  Not that we've got too much left, but I want to be free of it all.
5.  Get pregnant!!

I Get By With a Little Help from My Friends

When I can't muster the determination and drive from within, I look to friends to do so.

Today I'll focus on two people that are in my corner right now.  Okay, so there are lots who are in my corner, but two I'm going to mention.  One I know very well, and one is someone I'm still getting to know.

I have a neighbor who started her journey to losing at the beginning of this year.  Our daughters have been friends since they moved into the neighborhood, but we only met in the last few months.  In fact, the lovely world of social media (Facebook and the ever-addicting Pinterest) have allowed us to get to know one another.  She wakes up most mornings before the sun, before her husband, and before her kiddos to go and workout.  She has extended the offer to me on more than one occasion.  I did go, once, and it felt great.  She happened to not be able to make it that day LOL.  I didn't make it again.  Long story short, I came down with a sinus infection, a hernia, and lost all motivation once again.  Fast forward two months, and my hernia isn't gone, but my habits and stalling sure don't help it any.  I think I've been using the hernia as a reason to not dive back in, or that the new year is approaching, or just insanity.

In fact, losing weight is what would make this hernia get better.  The Rx for this thing is losing weight, avoiding alcohol, high fat foods, chocolate, anything tomato based (says the ketchup addict), citrus, anything else worth enjoying, and eating six small meals a day.  When I first got this hernia, it hurt so badly that I didn't eat for 8 days.  I lost a good 11 pounds, but that is not how I wanted to do it.

I've gained all the weight I lost with that hernia back.

I'm planning on waking up in the morning, and every morning thereafter to go and workout.

Another lovely person I'd like to mention who has been a driving force and inspiration for me is my dear friend Blaire.  She and I are both in this boat together.  We have conversations about succeeding, how we can do this, what we're going to eat, when we'll wake up, etc.  Well, they can be sometimes one sided.  She tells me how she's going to do it, gives me suggestions, has woken up to work out, and has really started doing this.  I've been so ashamed that I haven't stuck with it that I don't often say what I've done.  Because that is nothing.  But the more that I text with her, talk with her, the more I "avoid" saying how I'm doing, the more I want to do well.  The more I want to keep my drive and desire to do this.

Thanks, love :)

Wagon! Oh Wagon, Where are You???

I'm back at it AGAIN.  Boy who cried wolf?  I think not.  More like girl who cried diet.  My weight has been a serious struggle for me since, oh, about age 12.  At least that is the first time I realized that weight was something to worry about.  Not that I was overweight then, but I was not a stick figure.  I was a dancer with thigh muscles to match.  Fast forward 16 (oh dear LORD, REALLY?!?) years later, and now I'm realizing that weight worries are not strictly about fitting into that skirt I've kept for 9 years "just in case."

Last year I started a blog to keep tabs on myself (and so my lovely friends could, too) leading up to my wedding.  I was successful.  I lost a good 25 pounds.  I was happy with how I looked at my wedding.  I felt (more or less) comfortable on the beach on my honeymoon.  Then I got happy, I got comfortable, I began nesting, and wouldn't you know I gained back 15.  Where I am now, I would have to lose 25% (holy mother of all that is good and healthy) of my weight to be at the high end of my healthy weight range.

I'm so sick of my inner dialogue saying that "I'll start ________ (Monday, next meal, tomorrow, New Year's, etc.).  So, while watching the Biggest Loser and boohooing a few minutes ago, I restarted my blog.  My old blog was called "Diet Bride."  Seeing as I'm no longer a bride, I figured I'd start a new one.  I chose this name because I am always, ALWAYS planning.  Following through, yes, but I don't have as much follow through as I plan.

We've all heard the old cliche about falling off the proverbial wagon.  I told my Mama the other day that I just lost the darn thing.  I have no clue where it went.  So, maybe I'll find it in the pages of this blog.

Here goes!